So my friend and I decided that this transition blogging has been time well-spent in that it has encouraged me to be watchful about Dylan (and myself) as we learn to live our separate lives.
I have needed the light and shade of these 100 days. In July I made a list of things I was looking forward to taking up once I was no longer a carer. On Day 79, however, I reflected that I hadn’t yet managed to kick-start my life. Five months since Dylan moved into residential care, I said to my friend, and I still hadn’t done anything on my list. ‘Oh I wouldn’t worry about that’, she shrugged, ‘you can do those things later’.
By committing myself to observing this process for 100 days I have created a physical and psychological landscape as well as a virtual space. It can feel, on different days, like a limbo place, half-way house or no-man’s land: metaphors of loss, healing and conflict can all be applied to this learning to live without Dylan. Life as a carer is another country; I have been taking my time, crossing its borders slowly.