I have been reflecting, today, on the judgements I make about when and how to get involved in Dylan’s care. This week, for example, I have had a small niggle about something. It is only a teeny weeny niggle, however, and I am trying not to let it get the better of me; as it is a one-off situation it would be unreasonable, I tell myself, to make a fuss.
I am increasingly convinced that one of the things which is crucial to transition (and presumably to the quality of continuing care) is the partnership between the person in care, the care home, and the parents. It occurred to me today, however, that an effective partnership may sometimes require a parent not to participate, i.e. to trust the job of caring to the care home rather than expecting to be involved in every detail.
And then I realised the reason my ‘teeny weeny’ niggle doesn’t warrant action is not that it is an isolated incident but that it is, essentially, a question of approach. As the saying goes, there is more than one way to skin a cat and whether this cat is skinned my way or another actually has no bearing on Dylan’s well-being; I was simply niggled that something was being done differently.
During the last ten years I have grown accustomed to getting my own way. Supporting children on your own can be challenging, particularly when disability is involved, and I have come to regard not having to compromise with a partner as my reward for the tough times. I can see, however, that this may mean I’m rusty at the art of compromise. I wonder if it’s easier to build a partnership with others if you are used to having to negotiate with a partner in the home?